New Year, New Goals

Now that we’re already more than one week into the New Year, I wanted to take some time (after a very long absence!) to reflect on this past year. A year that was good and bad, easy at times and hard at others, sweet, frustrating and full (as I hope your 2014 was too).

I started the year without a job in sight as my freelance gig ended exactly on New Year’s Eve and, almost exactly one year later, find myself six months into loving my new job within healthcare. And it’s been so good. For the first time since we got married, we have stability and the goals we’ve had for ages (buying our first home, getting Audrey a baby brother, saving for Europe) feel much closer.

In numerous ways, 2014 has been the year I’ve felt most like an adult—a feeling both unsettling and satisfying. There’s so much I miss about being a student and freelancer, like the variety, flexibility and general sense of possibility for all that lies ahead. While I still believe in possibility, so much of my life now feels regimented. I’ve already hit some early milestones—graduating college, earning my masters, getting married—and sometimes question if a new adventure will ever strike. With that said, I’ve began 2015 in a bit of a funk.

Although we’ve started the home-buying process, I wonder if it’s truly the right time or, more honestly, whether I event want to own. Yet, I’m trying to be wise financially and isn’t investing in a home a wise thing to do? So! In an effort to alleviate the anxiety I’ve felt so much this week, here’s a few resolutions I hope will brighten these fresh new days of 2015.

1. Stay present. Why is remaining in the moment such a challenge for me. Is it for you? I have no trouble pointing the finger at my Smartphone or this rush-paced world, but I can choose to slow down. At home, I’m rarely online; but at work, in moments of downtown, turning to my phone has become automatic. How else can I fill this time? I’m still sorting out how to filll these spare moments (maybe it’s okay to leave them empty?), but a few ideas include making a cup of tea, writing a poem, taking deep breaths and jotting down a list of things I’m thankful for.

2. Save money. I spent far too much in 2014 on things I didn’t need—books I could’ve borrowed from the library, eating out when we could’ve just made spaghetti. Saving is freedom and in 2015 I want to make a conscious effort to dramatically curb my spending. In fact, I’m very tempted to avoid shopping for an entire year. B doesn’t think I can do it, which makes me even more tempted to try. I’d make exceptions for socks and underwear and other essentials, but I really don’t need to shop and I don’t often wear half of what’s in my closest. Anyone want to join me?

3. Move more. Confession: I hate being confined to desk for 40+ hours a week and it’s such a frustrating oxymoron that sitting all day makes me too tired to hit the gym! I’ve been sneaking in a few barre classes here and there and always feel better for it. So my third goal this year is to get to the gym a minimum of 3/times a week and aim to squeeze in more movement everyday.

4. Be patient. The last couple of years have tested my patience in myriad ways. So many of my wants and what feels like needs to me have been perpetually deferred, which leaves me feeling restless and ungrateful for all that I do have. So this year I’m going to try and embrace the waiting and trust in God’s timing even when I don’t feel like it.

Four goals. I think I can stick to that. Sorry if this got a bit rambly, but it feels so therapeutic to write! I’d love to hear your goals for the New Year.

Have a great weekend everyone,
Em
Photo courtesy of Earthy Allurement

Feeling Restless

I know I’m not alone in wanting, at times, to live more than one life. Let me clarify. These last couple of years in living in Minneapolis have been, in many ways, wonderfully easy; I get to live life with my best friend; have more or less had a steady job, and have the freedom of visiting my family whenever I feel like it. Yet, a huge part of me has been feeling restless and hungry for adventure. Homesick for places I’ve never been and for people I’ve never met. (This is a quote from somewhere, I’m quite sure). I want to live abroad again. I want to travel. I’m ready for the comforts of home to be new and inspiring rather than familiar and comforting. Please tell me you sometimes feel this way, too?

B and I have talked seriously about trying to work abroad and, if it was up to me, I’d leave tomorrow. Is this normal? Has travel transformed you into a malcontent? This feeling is so difficult to describe because, in countless ways, I’m very happy with my life here. I just know that there’s more out there. And we don’t own or have kids yet, so maybe now’s the time to seek adventure?

How do you make the best of your current life circumstances? I think I need a strong dose of patience!
Em

Image courtsey of la fleur solitaire

Dog Days of Summer

One last weekend at the cabin.

It’s been more than three months since I last wrote and I must apologize for my silence. Finding myself in-between jobs and dealing with a barrage of difficult family matters left me both uninspired and largely too low to write. I’m happy to report that much has changed.

Last work I began a new job with a nonprofit I’m passionate about and, for the first time in months, feel my life is no longer on “pause.” B and I are planning a road trip through New England. We’re getting excited to give canning another crack this fall. More than anything, we’re doing our best to drink up the last drops of summer; i.e, go paddle-boarding one last time, have Izzie’s ice cream for lunch, finish one more good book and wear my favorite summer dresses on repeat.

How will you enjoy these last days of summer? I’d love to know and I’m so glad to be back!

Saying Goodbye to my Beautiful Grandma Gotta

 

I apologize for my silence this past week. Last Wednesday I received the sort of phone call you never hope to answer. And my world stopped. I rushed home in time to have three final days with my dear, precious Grandma before she went to Heaven. These left few days have left me numb, hurt and sad, but finally, last night I was able to put words down on paper and the process was immeasurably cathartic. If you like, here’s why my Grandma Gotta was so indelibly special to me:

When I think of my Grandmother Fern Ann I can’t help but feel warmth, comfort and remarkable joy. Joy strong enough to lift my heavy heart as I remember the gentle force of her presence. Her blonde curls, sparkling blue eyes and quiet step. Her enviable beauty mark and her genuine smile which could brighten the darkest room. Some say we bear a resemblance (the greatest compliment I’ve ever been given) and I can only hope to grow in beauty like she did.

As a shy and quiet child, trips to Grandpa and Grandma’s were a special treat; a time where I felt more like a woodland sprite than a little girl who still wet the bed. After a day of swimming in the blue-green water, catching minnows and maybe a sunburn, Grandma would wrap Maria and me in towels and take us up to the bathtub to get clean. Sudsy, sleepy and wholly content I’d trace the blue-tiled walls with my wrinkled fingers, not fully aware of just how preciously I was cared for. Next, it was time for stories and, dressed in our favorite nightgowns with our hair still damp, Grandma would read us stories in her soft, crackling lilt. I’d choose the same stories again and again—The Town and Country Mouse and The Three Little Kittens—but Grandma never seemed the least bit impatient or hurried.

When I think of Grandma, the aroma of fresh from the oven blueberry muffins fills the air and I can easily picture her precisely-set table. The blue-rimmed plates resting in perfect symmetry, the blinds open to views of her beloved garden and the green sweep of the yard. The delicious sense of anticipation as we waited for the bountiful feast she had so lovingly prepared.

When I think of Grandma, twenty-five years of birthdays, Christmases and football games come to mind, blurring into an almost indescribable feeling of lightness. Born two days and 58 years apart, Grandma and I would celebrate our birthdays together, sitting side by side, blowing out our birthday candles with expectation for what could only be a golden year ahead. Septembers with Grandma always felt rich and full. With football games starting and Gotta birthday parties peaking, we’d knew we’d see lots of each other. A happy secret we shared with relish.

I wish I could bottle the tangible magic of Christmases on Pelican. The glory of Grandma’s tree, bedecked with the shine of precious ornaments and silvery tinsel, filled the whole upstairs in beauty. The tenderly-wrapped presents were always almost too pretty to open, but I managed somehow and always opened exactly what I had hoped for.

Above all, when I think of Grandma, I think of a woman with a servant’s heart, endless love and the self-confidence to live her best life. She knew the elusive, rare art of living well and shared it with her family and loved ones in great abundance. She understood that the little things are the big things—the perfect slice of blueberry pie on a hot July day, hours in the garden pulling weeds to let her marvelous snapdragons grow; the thrill of a new dress and, most importantly to her, the weighty love of the handsome husband beside her.

Anyone who knows my Grandma knows she was an excellent cook and gifted gardener, but what I hope most to emulate is her joie di vivre. Grandma was interested in my life, in all her grandkids’ lives. She was never less than present, engaged and interested. She made me feel important and valuable. She knew that life could be beautiful and fascinating and hard and she never shied away from it. Many people would call my Grandmother busy and, active though she was, she was never less than generous with her time. Whether enjoying a cup of coffee together or drinking in sunshine on the porch, time with Grandma had a limitless, expansive quality. She was as efficient and studious as they come, yet lavishly gave of her time.

May 10^th, 2014 was, to my earthly wishes, much too soon to say goodbye, but I know that the richness and depth of Grandma’s legacy will make the difficult days and weeks ahead easier to bear. I know she has already found a patch of land in Heaven and is rolling up her sleeves to create a garden that, like her legacy, will never fade.

Thank you for listening, everyone. 

Planning the Perfect Bachlorette Party

As any of you married women know all too well, planning a wedding is time-consuming and inevitably stressful. My engagement was significantly shorter than most at six months and as I wasn’t actually back in the country until just three months before the wedding, my to-do list was immense. Finishing my dissertation and waitressing on the side didn’t help. In the end, though, everything came together and the things that didn’t hardly mattered as I walked down the aisle towards B looking handsome and nervous in his black suit.

My older sister is in this same situation now with less than three months remaining until her big day and she’s definitely feeling the stress. So I really want to make her bachlorette party as relaxing and memorable as can be. She planned such a fun and lighthearted party for me, which alleviated so much stress, and I really want to do the same for her. So, after thinking back to my bachlorette and other parties I’ve been to, I’m keeping these tips in mind:

#1: Keep it personal. Maria, my older sister, planned several personal touches that made my bachlorette special. Specifically, making me carry a Prince Harry cut-out everywhere. And I mean everywhere! She also did a brilliant job thinking of things that I would appreciate–like having dinner at my favorite lakeside restaurant, popping open my favorite bottle of Rose and creating adorably thoughtful gift bags for my friends.

#2: Get out of town. B went with his buddies to Chicago, but you don’t need to go that far to leave your worries at home. My girls and I went to my future in-law’s lake cabin and had a blast. There was no hotel bill the next day and we didn’t have to worry about being too loud. I plan to do something similar for my sister.

#3: Plan silly activities. A bachlorette simply isn’t a bachelorette without silly games and girls-only activities. I like to keep things classy and a few ideas I plan to use at Maria’s party include: having each guest bring a bottle of wine for a wine tasting, playing “Name the Celebrity Spouse,” creating a fun photo booth area, and (just maybe) dancing on the bar top.

#4: Have a back-up. As the host, it’s my job to come prepared. That means having a good arsenal of snacks, treats and other goodies to keep guests having a good time. I won’t disclose what time we or didn’t go to bed at my bachelorette, but! in case your guests or the bride is just too tired to stay out, make sure you have a good chick flick to fall back on.

Okay ladies, what am I missing? What do you think makes a great bachelorette party?

First photo courtesy of Her Campus